


Aftermath

by Doctorinblue



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23671051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctorinblue/pseuds/Doctorinblue
Summary: After Hawkeye crashes his jeep, BJ realizes there are some things he's been needing to say to him
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	Aftermath

BJ shifts, rubbing at his thighs until he feels the familiar tingle of blood flowing again. The knot in his back has wound a little tighter, his neck stiff, and the combination of lagging adrenalin and inactivity have left him frazzled and alert all at once. Still, he's as close to Hawkeye as he can reasonably manage, and the few extra feet to his bunk might as well be a million miles for the anxiety the thought of moving causes him. Hawkeye remains his focal point, no matter the potential relief of lying down and checking out for a few precious minutes.

The blood has been washed away, but the memory leaves its stains. He watches Hawkeye's chest rise and fall, reassures himself that _this_ is reality, not the wild panic-inducing thoughts he'd lost himself in before the jeep had returned with his best friend - before he'd pulled Hawkeye into a hug and the hospital.  
For someone so soft, so breakable, Hawkeye can be quite stoic at all the wrong times. It drives BJ half-mad, especially at this moment, when the calm, logical, trained part of his brain is mush and leaking out his fingers when they brush across Hawkeye's brow, down to check his pulse again and again until Hawkeye mutters and squeezes his hand as BJ's heart drops into his stomach.

It's not supposed to be like this, BJ reasons. They aren't on the frontlines, _their_ price is seeing lives shattered, and sewing them back together with pieces of themselves. He isn't supposed to worry about Hawkeye, not like this, not like he might wake up tomorrow and find his lifesaver lifeless and gone. Forever, his world knocked off tilt overnight. What about the next trip out, the bullet that lands, the head wound that doesn't heal, a capture, a bomb? Life is so fragile, and Hawkeye treats himself as expendable. If he knew, understood, how precious his existence is to BJ would it make a single difference the next time he was meant to charge headlong into danger? Would he think twice? 

BJ forces himself to lean back, props his feet up onto the closest box and closes his eyes. He tries to breathe in some sort of peace, some sort of relief, but it's somewhere else, beyond his grasp. Perhaps it doesn't exist inside him any longer, perhaps the breath he'd held when he landed in Korea had never been exhaled.  
He'd been falling even then, he just hadn't understood that it was in love. With Hawkeye, of course. The playboy, the too loving doctor who refused to be in love. Who else would BJ have picked out of the crowd, who else would cost BJ everything by doing nothing?

Hawkeye is forbidden fruit. He's a great big stop sign with flashing lights and warning bells and it's scared BJ away for long enough. He's done running, done being too scared to take Peg's advice and see if Hawkeye is someplace he can land. He's been hovering too long, considering the what-if's until the greatest what-if of all came as a crashed jeep and head. If he loses Hawkeye to time or destruction he is damn well going to make sure that Hawkeye goes into the unknown knowing how deeply he is loved.

"Beej?"

Hawkeye groans and tries to sit up. BJ catches his shoulder, yanking his feet off the box as he lowers him back to the cot gently.

"You need to rest," BJ says, pulling the covers back over Hawkeye's chest. "You took quite a blow, remember?"

"I remember," Hawkeye says after a moment. "That family, the one that took me in...they saved me."

BJ nods at once, settles on the edge of the chair.

"Yeah, Hawk," he agrees. "Just sleep."

"I'd be dead-" Hawkeye mutters, letting out a long exhale. "Kaput."

"Don't talk like that," BJ says. "You would have been fine. You would have been okay, Hawkeye."

BJ's breathing comes fast and shallow for a moment before he manages to contain it. The could have been has already been decided, and Hawkeye's right here. Nothing else matters at the moment, not that family, not the army, not rules or structure.

With a final glance at Hawkeye, he slips out of the chair and then the tent silently.


End file.
